In our love lives, we are often given “guidelines” of when to start loving someone, and when to trust someone but no one actually tells us when is the right time when we should leave all the strings and walk away.
We are told to always hold tight to the relationships we build, but at times one of the partners is suffering so badly that they are happier away from each other.
It can definitely differ from person to person and relation to relation, how much history you have with the person, how much effort they put into it, how much effort you put into it, eventually everything matters. But some factors are clear-cut red flags after which you should be very cautious and take a step back from the person.
When to stop loving someone
Certain specific red flags common to all are as follows-
Disrespected in Relation
Have your partner said something to you while he/she was kidding but that actually hurt you and you still didn’t point it out as you weren’t sure about what to do? Firstly let’s face it that you and your partner were born and bought off differently, so your meaning of the word “respect” will also be different.
People have different tolerance levels when it comes to respecting relations. You might feel fine hearing a cuss word from your friend but not your partner. It is normal to have certain benchmarks for your partner, as they are the ones whom you are eventually going to call “mine”.
If your partner understands respect differently from you, it is important to tell them what you want, how you expect them to behave, and point out the slightest things that make you uncomfortable.
Once you point it out your partner will also try to make you feel comfortable and respected, and if at all the same behaviour is repeated even after pointing it out, then there is the time you see it as a red flag.
Respect should not be something that one needs to ask for, specifically when you love someone, you automatically prioritize them and make them sit on cloud nine. Keep your eyes and ears open, and walk off from the place where your thoughts, opinions and perspectives are not respected.
Aren’t appreciated enough
Whenever you love someone, you really like even the smallest thing they do. If we didn’t hype up our better halves, who else would?
Appreciate the flower he/she gave you, appreciate the fact that he/she held your hand on that one tough day, appreciate the fact that he/she understands when you say “no”, appreciate the way he/she smiles, just appreciate every small bit of it. That is what makes a relationship beautiful.
On the other hand, if you feel like you are not being appreciated enough, consider it a red flag. Appreciation is good for mental health, and a one-sidedly appreciated ship never sails. Even if it does, one of you won’t be happy.
Not being treated the way you treat them
If it is just you who is putting in the effort to make the relationship work, maybe step back and take a pause. Efforts don’t just include expensive gifts or luxurious dinners or huge surprises. Efforts include every tiny thing they do for you beyond their comfort zone, just to make you feel good, comfortable and happy.
It is important to notice the amount of effort each one of you puts into making the relationship a success. See how important your relationship is to your partner and to what extent can they go for it, is it similar to what you would do or not?
Subtle demeaning behaviour
In so many couples, it is observed that to make their slate clean and sound funny in front of others, one of the partners ends up making subtle demeaning comments to the other one unintentionally which are hardly ever noticed.
Your partner should have the trait to point out your flaws personally and stand by your side in the crowd even when you are performing a mistake or doing something wrong. If that is not the case and subtle comments like “you will do this?
Nevermind.”, “I don’t think it is his/her cup of tea”, etc such little statements said by you for your partner can leave a huge impact on them as maybe they are not affected when others say such stuff, but they do question themselves when it comes from you.
No positive curiosity about the partner
Irrespective of the time period of your relationship, your partner should always have a positive curiosity to know more about you. After a year or two people often say that “i know her/him all” which is not a sign of a healthy relationship which we tend to misunderstand.
You should always have a curiosity to understand why they did what they did, what they like over what, and even the most basic questions like, what is their favourite dish, or colour. When you develop this curiosity for your partner, they also feel like he/she is interested in me and they feel special. Being obsessed with your partner is the best kind of love story. See if your partner notices you from head to toe even after years of being together, if yes, consider yourself lucky.
The above-mentioned are very deeply observed points, other commonly seen red flags can include regular angry disputes or shortened understanding. Irrespective of everything mentioned here, let’s acknowledge the fact that each one has a different level of tolerance and a different kind of bond in their relationship. Just know that if there is anything that is messing around with your mental health consider it a major point of discussion and communicate with your partner.
Try and sort things, give your best and if still, things don’t get back on track it is time for you to pack up your things and walk away. Most importantly, if you don’t value yourself or your efforts, it will eventually devalue you in front of your partner. So above all, just Be yourself and Love yourself.