Why Small Talk Needs to Evolve: Beyond ‘How Are You?’
This question comes up frequently throughout the day from colleagues, neighbors, and loved ones. How do you typically respond? Do you open out to others about what’s happening with you and what’s on your mind? Or do you simply remark “quite excellent” and leave it at that, like the majority of us?
Any emotional state other than happiness is stigmatized in many societies. It may seem like they are only looking for a good reply when they inquire “How are you?” We frequently conceal basic worries in our responses, such as loneliness, family strife, or feeling overburdened, not to mention more serious problems like anxiety or depression.
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Why Does Your Honest Answer Matter?
Making direct conversations with those who have struggled is the most effective strategy to fight stigma, according to research on mental health. Hiding our true emotions is denying ourselves a fundamental aspect of the human experience.
When you respond honestly and thoughtfully to someone’s quick top-of-the-day query, you bridge the gap between people that conceals unfavorable feelings. By setting an example, you communicate to others around you that having ups and downs is normal and that these are what make real conversations whether small talk or not. The other person would hesitate less f you genuinely seem to want to talk about the challenging subjects.
In other words, talking about yourself makes you feel good for a reason. According to a neurological study, talking about ourselves triggers the reward centers of our brain. You increase someone’s biological happiness when you urge them to talk about their lives.
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How can you convince someone to open up when you have that objective in mind and also benefit from an open conversation?
Ask ‘How Are You FEELING’?
However, you won’t get very far by simply asking someone how they are. The person you’re speaking to will likely reply with “good,” “fine,” or another neutrally nice word. Try asking instead, “How are you feeling?”
A variety of inquiries that elicit more considered responses will be effective:
“What kind of week have you had?”
“What happened during your weekend?”
“Do you have any demanding tasks to complete?”
“How have you been lately?”
Active Listening
The goal of active listening is to let the other person know that you genuinely care about what they have to say. Being an attentive listener requires you to: Demonstrate attention both orally and non-verbally. Encourage them to continue expressing themselves by nodding and maintaining eye contact. Ask related questions.
When you believe you have only begun to scrape the surface of a bigger issue, ask clarification questions. The following are some standard questions to ask: “How does it make you feel?” “What do you think about that?” and “How has that been affecting you?”
Asking questions like, “What type of work has kept you motivated this week?” at work rather than just, “How are you?” can reveal a wealth of information about the tasks that keep your team members energized.
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If you pay close attention, questions like these can assist you in determining your colleague’s areas of strength and passion; when you combine those two things with your job, you can anticipate an improvement in engagement and productivity.
Conclusion
But, Harvard researchers have found that the best way to get the most out of a conversation is to simply ask the other person follow-up questions. Researchers studied more than 300 online discussions in a series of trials and discovered that individuals who were asked more insightful follow-up questions found the other person to be significantly more likable.
To pursue interpersonal and intrapersonal goals across a variety of contexts, relationships, and modalities of communication, the conversation is a core human experience. In the current study, researchers focus on the function of a conversational tactic called question-asking.
They find a strong and consistent association between question-asking and liking across three investigations of real-time dyadic conversations: the result is that those who ask more questions are liked more by their discussion partners.
The idea here is to learn to be more generous when asking someone about their well-being or while attaining any information. One can always avoid the monotonous standardized questions and realize the significance of a connection that is built with the other when striking conversations.
