The Paradox of ‘Resilience’: Unintended Consequences of Embracing a Buzzword
Resilience may be the last thing we want to hear about when we’re exhausted or having mental health issues. We frequently experience pressure to appear stoic and unmoved when we are instructed to be resilient. But experiencing and talking about mental health issues doesn’t prove how tough we are. Having to persevere in the face of difficulty repeatedly might lead to burnout.
Even if you mean well, reacting with suggestions on “developing resilience” if someone confides in you that they are having difficulties might be harmful. For someone who is having a hard time, the phrase “resilience” frequently feels derogatory.
You run the risk of accidentally making the other person stop talking to you about their problems by proposing resilience right away. They can feel unable to express their suffering out of concern that they will be seen as “weak” or “overly negative.”
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Being open and honest about your struggles is perhaps one of the most crucial things a person can do for their mental health. It demonstrates emotional fortitude and has even been shown to lower the risk of depression.
Struggles Aren’t a result of a Lack of Resilience
Someone may be having difficulties, but that does not mean they are not resilient. It’s a prevalent misperception that those with resilience don’t experience hardship. In truth, even those who can recover quickly from stress nevertheless go through difficulties. One must note that when you’re exhausted, your brain undergoes physical changes that may cause you to become a slave to intense emotions.
Second, by advocating resilience, we are effectively ignoring the circumstances surrounding a person’s difficulty. Many difficulties, such as burnout, are outside of a person’s control. Not only that, the other person could not have access to resources (money, food, shelter, healthcare, and social support) that promote resilience.
By neglecting the context, we overlook a crucial point: that another person’s suffering might not be something that can be resolved via sheer determination. Jumping to resilience assumes that they haven’t already shown it, ignoring the likelihood that prolonged suffering has worn down their resilience.
What’s More Helpful Than Suggesting Resilience?
Offering Emotional Support
Your emotional and social support could be a crucial component of the other person’s resilience. You should get into the habit of paying attention intently when your loved one is talking. You are demonstrating to them that it is okay to communicate their emotions with you by acknowledging their problems and displaying real curiosity.
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Recognize the inner power that an individual currently possesses. When they are going through a particularly trying time, you help them feel stronger within by providing affirmation and assurance.
Encouraging Therapy
We can help our friend or loved one find therapy if they are ready, in addition to offering them social support. Think carefully about how you approach the issue of therapy. Because therapy can be expensive, some people may find it disrespectful or unpleasant to be advised to seek therapy, and others may feel that mental health care is ineffective or merely time-consuming, suggesting therapy can be challenging.
However, treatment might be a crucial help during your friend’s struggle. In many cases, striking up a discussion is worthwhile.
Taking a Non-Judgemental Stance
Many of us occasionally use harmful coping mechanisms, but it doesn’t make us any less resilient. Using these techniques can be a sign of resilience in trying situations because they may help us deal with or numb current distress. Although it may theoretically be seen as “unhealthy,” finding the greatest remedy (i.e., the most affordable, accessible, and effective) is nevertheless crucial for getting through difficult times.
Nevertheless, there are ways to support someone whose coping mechanisms might be doing more damage than good. Recognize first that these tactics have helped them, in some manner. Verify the extreme suffering that led to improper coping.
Here, it’s crucial to have a non-judgmental attitude because it lowers defensiveness. Again, many of us eventually resort to using an unhealthy coping mechanism to get through a particularly difficult period in our lives.
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Simply inviting the other person to join you in a healthy coping approach is one way to help them without passing judgment. This is an example of healthy coping, and doing something beneficial with a loved one is frequently simpler.
Conclusion
We must consider how our words may be interpreted when we use them to encourage our friends. For a variety of reasons, telling someone they should be resilient or that they ARE resilient does not always come across as encouraging. There are, however, more effective approaches to helping a loved one get through a difficult situation that doesn’t entail urging them to be “more resilient.”
Always keep in mind that there may be more to a person’s situation than you are aware of when you see someone you know who is exhausted or struggling.
