Key Takeaways
- Vulnerability is Structural Integrity: Modern experts agree that suppressing emotions causes “structural failure” in leadership and relationships.
- Hands-On Competence: Basic plumbing, cooking, and home repair are not chores they are forms of self-reliance.
- The “Pause” Button: The ability to regulate emotions and listen before fixing is a superpower in business.
- Identity ≠Competence: Being bad at something new is a requirement for growth, not a hit to your manhood.
Introduction
There is an old, rusted-out script for manhood that says we should be stoic, solitary, and intuitively capable of fixing everything from a leaky faucet to a broken heart without asking for help. The problem? That script is a blueprint for burnout.
We asked 19 men experts a simple but heavy question: “What is one life skill you wish you had learned earlier as a man?”
Their answers move beyond generic advice. They dive into the mechanics of emotional regulation, the tactical advantage of vulnerability, and the sheer utility of knowing how to cook a real meal. Whether you are leading a company or managing a household, these are the retrofits your toolkit needs.
1. The Mechanics of Communication & Vulnerability
The most common regret among our experts wasn’t a lack of technical skill – it was the inability to communicate clearly under pressure.
Joshua SchirardDirector, Byrna
“If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to master clear communication under stress. In policing and active shooter response, I’ve seen how the difference between a well-understood command and a misunderstood one can be literally life or death. In my role with Byrna, we stress training not just on the devices but also on how officers communicate, brief, debrief, and pass the baton.
I cultivated that skill by making it a habit to use simple, direct language in every brief: ‘What’s the problem? What needs to happen? Who does what? When?’ I asked for feedback, ‘Was my message clear?’ Over time, I refined my speaking under pressure. My suggestion for you: practice giving one-minute summaries of plans or decisions in calm settings… The clearer you get now, the fewer assumptions you’ll rely on when the roof is collapsing.”
Ahmad FaizOwner, Achilles Roofing and Exteriors
“The life skill I wish I had learned earlier as a man is Verbalizing Structural Vulnerability – the disciplined use of language to articulate internal pressure and emotional load. The conflict is the trade-off: traditional male conditioning views emotional difficulty as a private burden that must be contained, which creates a massive structural failure because it compromises mental health and isolates the individual.
I eventually developed this skill by treating emotional language like a critical, complex, heavy-duty tool. I stopped looking for abstract ‘feelings’ and started using hands-on structural metaphors to describe my internal state: ‘My focus capacity is compromised,’ or ‘The anxiety is introducing structural instability into my decision-making.’ This is the approach I recommend: the ‘Verifiable Structural Translation’ protocol – always converting abstract emotion into a simple, verifiable structural statement that can be acted upon.”
Brandon CaputoOwner, Honeycomb Heating and Cooling
“The one life skill I really wish I had developed earlier is proactive, honest communication – especially when it comes to delegating and setting boundaries. As a young man and a starting technician, I thought the way to prove my worth was to take on every single task, solve every problem silently, and never ask for help. That led to a lot of burnout…
I eventually developed this skill out of necessity… Now, I run my team and my family life with a principle of ‘tell the truth early.’ If I need help, I ask for it. If a job is going sideways, I speak up immediately. My recommended approach is simple: practice being uncomfortable. Start small by clearly defining who owns what task on a project.”
Jack PaxtonGrowth Marketing Expert, Blitz Rocket
“Asking for help. I wish I’d learned earlier how to say I don’t know, because as a founder, you feel like you need to have every answer, but all it does is slow you and the team down. When I started saying ‘I don’t know, but I’ll go and find out’, A: showed the team I was human, but also, B: things moved 100X faster because I wasn’t trying to do it all. My advice: drop the ego, ask the question.”
Blaz KorosecCEO, Medical Director Co.
“One life skill I really wish I had learned in my early years is to learn to communicate my needs clearly without feeling demanding or less manly… I thought that would make me look stronger. I thought it would make me look more manly, but in reality, it slowed down my growth and gave me more stress… I practiced small daily habits to develop this skill. For example, I started stating my expectations more openly. I also started asking for help when needed, and lastly, I began being transparent with my team about challenges.”
Matthew JohnstonOwner, Bug Shockers
“The life skill that I wish I could have learned a long time ago is communicating openly rather than sidestepping. Like many men, I am guilty of remaining silent ‘for the sake of peace,’ which led to more troubles down the line… My philosophy is simple but very different: you say what you have to say early on, calmly, and point out what you want without pointing fingers. Now that I know this, life is much more relaxed.”
Evan TunisPresident, Florida Healthcare Insurance
“I wish I had learned to communicate from an early age. Growing up, I was raised to be tough and not show that vulnerability, which did make it difficult for me to emote and have clear communication… To get better I worked on listening actively, sticking to my guns, and remaining open to feedback. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, but it took time and effort and I became a more effective communicator.”
2. Practical Mastery: Hands-On Competence
For the BeardyNerd audience, competence isn’t abstract. It’s about knowing how your house works and how to fuel your body.
Jimi GibsonVP of Brand Communication, Thrive Internet Marketing Agency
“I wish I learned how to KEEP & MAINTAIN A HOME versus just doing chores. It’s about realizing that your home is a reflection of your responsibility… When I bought my first house, I wanted to be able to fix problems instead of calling someone for help. For example, when my garbage disposal got jammed, I watched a video and used an Allen wrench to clear it myself. It took thirty minutes, and it dawned on me that if I only put the time in, I could solve this stuff. You should also have a basic ‘home log’ where you list what needs repairing on your house, the dates things were fixed and any tools you need.”
Timothy ClarkeSenior Reputation Manager, Thrive Local
“It would have been great if I had been able to cook better before. Not to save money or to impress anyone, but to truly take control of what I put into my body… The most important thing is to love your body enough to feed it real food, not to be a fancy chef. After I began approaching cooking as something that defines a form of self-respect, not an onerous chore, it altered how I felt every day… The change in how I felt was immediate: a clearer head, better sleep, and steadier energy.”
Rohit BassiFounder & CEO, People Quotient (PQ)
“I wish I had learned how to do odd house fixing jobs earlier in my life… I started developing skills and comfort with it when I volunteered to be an apprentice to a builder who had come to the house to fix the front yard. He guided and supervised me through the process and allowed me to do a large portion of the works… My recommendation for anyone is that if you have a skill you wish to build, find your teacher, someone who knows how to do it and ask them if you could help them in their next project.”
3. Emotional Regulation & Listening
Real power isn’t about being loud; it’s about being regulated. These experts found that the “pause” between stimulus and response is where leadership happens.
Hans GraubardCOO & Cofounder, Happy V
“Emotional regulation. The full impact of emotional regulation on decision-making, leadership, and team communication became clear to me when I began managing multiple teams during their most challenging growth phases… The absence of emotional awareness in meetings often led to unclear discussions, prolonged resolutions, and at times, harm to team cohesion.
I developed this skill out of necessity… The most effective approach I found was giving myself a pause before responding and aiming to understand the real message the other person was trying to express. Any man looking to lead should start with reflective journaling and role-playing difficult conversations.”
Phil CartwrightHead of Business Development, Octopus International Business Services Ltd
“The ability to listen properly and patiently without trying to fix or respond took me longer than I wanted to learn. Early on, I tended to shift directly into solution-finding mode… But over time, I realized that fully hearing someone was essential – people lose trust when they feel their voices aren’t truly acknowledged.
Men who see themselves as problem-solvers should learn to hold back their analysis until the complete narrative is out. Evaluation should begin only after fully understanding the context.”
Nirmal GyanwaliFounder & CEO, WP Creative
“The life skill I wish I had learned much earlier was emotional articulation, or simply being able to talk about my feelings without feeling weak. For too long, I viewed emotional suppression as strength. I eventually developed it through therapy and forced myself to practice vulnerability with my wife first. The most effective approach I recommend is starting small: consciously label your emotions (e.g., ‘I feel anxious,’ not ‘I feel busy’).”
Flavia EstradaBusiness Owner, Co-Wear LLC
“The life skill I wish I had learned earlier… is the ability to separate the person from the process during critical feedback. Early on, I took criticism of my logistics or financial modeling as a personal attack on my intelligence, which made me defensive and slowed down progress.
I eventually developed it by mandating an ‘Objective Audit Language’ in all my feedback sessions… The approach I recommend is simple: Formalize the language of competence. Always discuss the measurable failure of the system, never the personal effort of the individual. This shifts the focus from emotional resolution to objective problem-solving.”
Dimitar DechevCEO, Super Brothers Plumbing Heating & Air
“The ability to communicate effectively during conflicts would have prevented me from experiencing multiple years of business and personal difficulties… avoiding those conversations led to misunderstandings and negative feelings between people. What worked best was creating a space where others felt heard, emotionally separating myself from the facts, and then communicating directly in a way that didn’t offend.”
4. Boundaries, Identity, and Resilience
Knowing where you end and the work begins is vital for long-term success.
Nezhdeh ParsanjOwner, Opus Event Rentals
“One life skill I wish I had learned earlier is setting clear personal boundaries – both in business and in relationships… That mindset led to burnout and blurred lines between my work and personal life… For anyone still learning this skill, I recommend starting small – practice saying ‘no’ without guilt and prioritize your commitments based on impact, not urgency. Over time, you’ll find that people respect you more when you respect your own time.”
Derek Pankaew CEO & Founder, Listening.com
“A life skill I wish I’d learned much earlier as a man is how to separate my identity from my competence… For most of my early career, I had this subconscious belief that my value as a man = how good I was at something right now. If I wasn’t already great at a skill, I felt embarrassed trying…
My advice for other men: Try deliberately choosing one activity where you allow yourself to be bad on purpose. Not ironically bad… genuinely, vulnerably bad. Surfing, improv, pottery – something where your ego has no prior footing. Stay with it long enough to watch the embarrassment dissolve into curiosity. That tiny shift rewires your brain.”
Damien ZouaouiCo-Founder, Oakwell Beer Spa
“Setting boundaries. I used to accept every request for work… because I believed it proved my reliability. But the constant workload left me exhausted… I recommend beginning with one essential boundary that you commit to enforcing each week. For me, that was declaring Wednesday nights as my personal time no checking emails, no taking calls. Practicing this consistently showed me that setting boundaries doesn’t drive people away; instead, it earns their respect.”
Lokesh BohraFounder, SustainableX
“Self-coaching and independent problem-solving are skills I wish I had developed earlier in my career. I learned these by deliberately taking on more challenges and working through business problems on my own, which involved plenty of trial and error… I would recommend seeking out difficult situations that push you beyond your comfort zone and resisting the urge to immediately ask for help, as the growth happens in the struggle.”
Jamie FrewCEO, Carepatron
“I wish I had learned earlier to embrace taking risks and learning from failure… I would recommend not waiting to take calculated risks and viewing setbacks as valuable learning opportunities rather than defeats. The sooner you start experimenting and accepting that failure is part of growth, the more quickly you’ll discover what works for you.”
Conclusion
The consensus among these 19 leaders is clear: The traditional definition of “manliness” silence, suppression, and solitary struggle is an inefficient way to live. The modern man’s toolkit includes the Allen wrench for the garbage disposal, but also the emotional vocabulary to articulate stress, the discipline to pause before reacting, and the confidence to be bad at something new.
