What Men Get Wrong About Emotions?
Generally, when we think of the word ‘man,’ we have certain adjectives that would start popping up in our minds. They would mostly be along the lines of someone whom we would like to associate with strength, dependability, courage, bravery, control etc.
Since time immemorial, we have looked at men in this light whether we like it or not. While these associations have put men in superior & authoritative positions, it has also taken their fundamental need to be vulnerable away from them.
Just like women have their own share of hardships, men have too. One of them that doesn’t get spoken about enough (sometimes at all!) is their vulnerability because it is associated with being weak.
View this post on Instagram
Whenever a man expresses an emotion other than anger, he’s labelled as a softie, sissy, crybaby and weak. Not only is it an everyday affair, but it is also glorified in movies and advertisements. Thus, it seems like men and being emotional are two distinct, disconnected, unrelated concepts.
But that’s not the case because it is not physiologically possible! No matter what gender we talk about, we are all human beings, and all humans are wired the same way.
Like our basic biological needs of food, water and sex, we all have emotional needs. We all want to be loved, heard, acknowledged, seen and held. We all experience all kinds of emotions in different kinds of situations. Experiencing & expressing emotions has absolutely nothing to do with gender. It comes with the fundamental fact of being human.
It’s because we classify humans into genders & the roles that come with them; we have associated women with vulnerability & men with strength.
Therefore, completely overlooking the fact that it’s not strength or vulnerability. It’s strength ‘and’ vulnerability.
Men are strong, brave, courageous, and in charge, along with being lost, confused, clueless and vulnerable. But we teach our boys from a young age to be otherwise. We teach our boys to only express anger because that’s somehow associated with masculinity. Still, we label & judge them for feeling softer emotions & states like sadness, grief, disappointment, and loneliness. We tell them to ‘toughen up and make fun of them when they have human moments where they don’t feel they are brave & courageous and the heavens would fall if they cried!
Sadly, these boys grow up as men who are not in touch with their feelings. They don’t know how to express what they feel. So, they hide, suppress and shut down. They are forced to create a façade that leads them to pretend that they’re ok, they don’t feel any pain or discomfort, and they can take everything in their stride.
The fact is that they cannot do this all the time because no human being can.
In reality, these are the things that even men go through and feel but struggle to accept & embrace because they fear they’ll be judged:
- Men are emotional just like women because men are human beings and all humans are emotional. Emotions are wired into our nervous system; even if we believe that men are from Mars, they are emotional. Yes, they, too, have tear ducts so that they can express their pain & anguish by crying! They, too, feel the need to be comforted & supported. But, they are conditioned otherwise.
- Men experience softer emotions and states like sadness, grief, loneliness, disappointment, and pain just as much as the stronger ones like anger, rage, and aggression.
- Men struggle to communicate their emotions because they fear they will be judged for being weak if they show their vulnerable side. Hence, they bottle up their emotions, pretend to have them in control, and throw themselves into work and other things to cope.
- Men do face mental health issues. They are not mentally and emotionally stronger. They are just taught to handle & express emotions differently. In most cases, it is to not pay attention to them and simply move on!
- Men are not naturally good at managing emotions always. They struggle too. They just don’t get the supportive, non-judgmental environment for a safe expression.
Regarding emotions, it doesn’t matter where you come from or what gender you belong to. What matters is that we are humans, and we are wired similarly. Men are emotional beings, too, and we all need to start accepting & respecting this fundamental fact of existence.
View this post on Instagram
