Ready to reveal your relationship? When it comes to cheating (or infidelity, cheating, or whatever you want to call it), gender plays a role in how partners react to this kind of betrayal.
A new study from the Norweigan University of Science & Technology found that men more tolerant of emotional deception (such as flirtatious conversation) and physical deception (such as dating) felt more threatened. With women, well, it was the exact opposite.
Because of this apparent discrepancy, the researchers concluded, “This could potentially lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and misunderstandings between couples.”
What is Cheating?
With this huge gap, it goes without saying that all couples should be open and honest about their thoughts about cheating. Once you are clear, you can set some boundaries.
“Every couple needs to do their heart’s homework,” explains Wish. “Know each other’s triggers and help your partner before problems arise.”
It’s never too late to start these discussions. Without a clear understanding of boundaries, someone could unintentionally get hurt. If you’re not sure where to start, Wish recommends making a list of what you need to feel safe and loved and what you expect from your relationship to use as a starting point.
“It’s important to understand not only how your partner defines infidelity, but what behavior your partner might find offensive, even if it doesn’t qualify as cheating,” he says. But what if there is disagreement about what constitutes cheating? You might think that commenting on one‘s Instagram post crosses the line.
“Listen to your partner and understand his point of view,” says Klapow. Don’t try to convince them of your point of view. If your partner’s petty betrayal is too triggering for you, you have two options to save the bond. Walk away knowing your core values don’t align.
“You can’t disagree, but you have to be honest and willing to respect your partner’s wishes,” explains Klapow.
How do men perceive cheating?
According to Wish, “it’s believed that for evolutionary reasons, men may be more susceptible to physical misconduct. And often unconsciously, he is attracted to women whose bodies trick the brain into thinking they are good at having children” she says.
“This experience stimulates his brain to produce the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which induces feelings of connection and attachment.” said clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. There are certainly evolutionary reasons for this, such as the role of males in reproduction. But there is also a cultural determinant to this, with men seen as initiators of sexual intimacy and women seen as covering parenting and emotional attachment to children.
Although they noted that sexual infidelity was more troublesome, only 65% of heterosexual women and 46% of heterosexual men agreed that emotional infidelity was worse. The study’s authors attribute these findings to an evolutionary problem of ‘paternity anxiety. In other words, the possibility of sexual misconduct is harder to swallow because it jeopardizes your ability to know if your partner is the biological father of the child they bear.
How do women perceive cheating?
“In general, women tend to be more emotionally connected than men. Gary Brown is a renowned couples therapist in Los Angeles.
Instead, they are more attuned to the complexity of human emotions and may even be attracted to others based on their emotional traits, says Klapow.
Many of Braun’s clients express more fear that their partners are emotionally cheating. Why ask? Well, chance sexual encounters can stem from alcohol-fueled impulsivity and poor judgment, but acting out emotional affairs requires a whole different level of intimacy and effort. “They worry that emotional incidents may be intentional and reflect a lack of emotional intimacy in their relationship,” explains Brown. “Emotional issues often involve real bonding and can eventually lead to physical issues.”
Conclusion
Cheating: It is the ultimate relationship wound and a notorious relationship killer. A popular gossip distraction, this phenomenon is widely discussed but difficult to study. Why admit infidelity in the name of science when the goal is not to get caught?
But scientists are providing new insights into issues often shrouded in stigma and mystery. As researchers have recently shown, cheating is rarely a simple matter. There are many reasons why people cheat, and the patterns are more complex than common stereotypes suggest. A fascinating new study sheds light on these motivations. It can be highly subjective, and there is nothing that can justify this act.
