“Where’s your resilience?”, they asked. “You can’t be strong without resilience”, they said. Changing This Notion.
While our ability to recover from life’s hardships is of crucial significance , it can also appear in other equally adaptive ways that challenge our understanding of the term “resilience”. While numerous definitions exist, psychologists generally agree that resilience is a multidimensional concept that includes both the ability to deal with adversity and the ability to respond flexibly.We don’t want to hear about resilience when we’re overworked or suffering from a mental condition.
We typically feel pressured to appear stoic and unaffected when we are told to be resilient. Experiencing and expressing mental health concerns, on the other hand, is not an indication of how resilient we are in nature. Thus, even when you mean well, if someone conveys to you that they are struggling, responding with rhetorical statements like “building resilience” may be damaging to the other person.
I write this piece today because often we underestimate how many people around us are going through their own struggles and these struggles do not tell us that they are weak by any chance. Sometimes struggles do not imply the absence of resilience totally. Sometimes all we need to focus on is hearing them out and helping out even if it is in tiny ways.
How To Not Suggest ‘Resilience’ As Part of Every Struggle:
Not Every Time Does One Want To Hear To “Be Strong”
To someone who is struggling, the word “resilience” can feel like a curse. By advocating resilience right away, you may unintentionally force the other person to shut down or stop communicating with you about their problems.
They may feel unable to express their pain for fear of being regarded as “weak” or “overly negative.” In actuality, being open and talking about your feelings is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health. It is a sign of emotional fortitude and has even been demonstrated to lower the risk of depression.
Struggle Doesn’t Imply Lack of Resilience
Just because someone is experiencing difficulties does not imply that they are not resilient. One prevalent misconception is that resilient people are unaffected by adversity. In reality, resilient people are nonetheless subjected to pressures, even if they recover rapidly. Furthermore, when you’re exhausted, your brain physically changes, and you may become a prisoner to overwhelming emotions.
More importantly, when we recommend resilience, we are effectively ignoring the context of someone’s difficulty. Several difficulties, such as burnout, are beyond an individual’s control.
The other individual may also lack access to resources that promote resilience (money, food, shelter, healthcare, social support). By assuming they haven’t already been resilient, we dismiss the potential that their resilience has been worn down by continuous struggle.
Ways To Encourage People in Times of Difficulty
Offer Emotional Support
Your social and emotional support could be a crucial component in contributing to the other person’s resilience. It is critical that you carefully listen to your loved one’s problems. By lending an ear and acknowledging their problems, you are indirectly letting them know that they are safe to communicate their feelings with you.
Recognize the other person’s present inner strength. When you offer validation and reassurance, you strengthen their inner strength through a very difficult period.
Recommending Mindful Techniques
Everybody, regardless of resilience, can benefit from implementing emotional control strategies in their daily life. Meditation exercises and mindfulness like breathing exercises, journaling, etc. are examples of such techniques that help reduce the impact of stress and anxiety in the moment. We are able to tackle difficulties more efficiently when we have a clear mind, are grounded and at peace.
Encouraging Therapy
Suggesting therapy can be difficult because firstly, therapy is rather expensive, while also keeping in mind that some people may find it unpleasant or disrespectful to be urged to seek therapy, and on the other hand, some may assume that mental health care is ineffective or simply time-consuming. Therapy, on the other hand, could be a lifeline for your companion. Starting a discussion is frequently worth the risk.
Conclusion
It is critical that we choose the words we use to encourage our friends very wisely and consider how they may be received. For a variety of reasons, telling someone to be tough or that they ARE resilient may not always come across as encouraging.
There are, however, more positive methods to encourage your loved one at a difficult time that do not entail urging them to be “more resilient.” When you or someone you know is exhausted or experiencing difficulties, keep in mind that there may be more to the tale than you realize. They might perhaps be more hardy than you think.
