Overcoming Self-Blame: Strategies for Moving Forward on Your Healing Path
We all are responsible for criticizing ourselves from time to time. Being conscious of our flaws and areas for improvement is a positive thing. Self-blame, on the other hand, crosses the boundary from constructive self-awareness to emotional self-harm. It is hence, imperative that one identifies when this boundary is crossed and works on it.
Trauma frequently causes self-blame, which can have serious consequences for both physical and mental health. It does not help that as a human trait, we seek external validation, and many times the world doesn’t realize the trauma we are battling on the inside.
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Fighting self-blame also makes healing from trauma, sadness, and anxiety more difficult when we allow it to affect us in a constant loop. It is critical to realize that your difficulties are not always your fault and that we are not always to blame for what happens to us.
Types Of Self-Blame
Toxic Self-Criticism
From what little can be inferred from the above, self-blame is an ineffective form of self-criticism. We frequently indulge in self-blame under the guise of attempting to better ourselves and be better people. Yet, self-blame is frequently the outcome of double standards towards ourselves, as well as irrational self-beliefs such as “I’m worthless” or “I’m stupid.” Self-blame is never the answer when you are responsible for putting yourself down. Rather, introspect and take responsibility.
Unfounded Self-Doubt
Continually doubting oneself in various aspects of life can be draining. You might find reasons to be skeptical, but do these reasons hold up under scrutiny? Self-doubt is frequently caused by persistent feelings of rejection. If people haven’t always acknowledged our impact or had faith in us, it’s difficult to have faith in ourselves.
This lack of faith in ourselves saps our hope and, with it, our willingness to strive. Self-doubt separates us from ourselves and others, yet how can anybody else take us seriously if we don’t? How can anyone else believe in us when we don’t? It is exhausting, stressful, and suffocating to continuously question the quality of your relationships, your ability to achieve your goals, and yourself in general.
Let’s begin with working on our relationship with ourselves first. Discover the hidden and the suppressed and work with it.
Shame And Guilt
Overthinking and blaming oneself quickly leads to misery, shame, and guilt. This embarrassment can be about ourselves, our past behaviors, things we’ve spoken about, and so on. These emotions can be overwhelming and disturb daily life. Don’t let someone else make you feel the shame and guilt you don’t deserve. You take accountability for your actions, admit the unpleasant realities of your past, and move on with your lessons.
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Can We Stop Blaming Ourselves For Our Trauma?
We speak of the kind of trauma that we encounter and the situations that it leads us to, but how do we stop this game of self-blame that we play with ourselves?
Identify the difference between self-criticism and self-blame
As previously said, there is a substantial distinction between the two! When you find yourself condemning your past conduct or statements, work on determining whether it is constructive criticism or harmful overthinking. Taking the time to actively evaluate these thoughts will contribute to you breaking the cycle of self-blame.
Respond to your trauma
This one may appear strange, yet it can drastically alter the way you think and see yourself. Start responding to negative thoughts once you’ve learned to notice when you’re participating in self-blame. Create a list of positive responses, i.e., things you enjoy about yourself, affirmations, and so on, and repeat them to yourself when you begin to think negatively.
Mantras include phrases such as “My trauma was not my fault,” “I did the best I could, and that is enough,” and “I am worthy.” The more you repeat them to yourself, the more you will believe them. You deserve it.
Be your friend, not your enemy
We wouldn’t tell someone we care about, “Yes, you’re right,” if they said they were useless. But why would we tell ourselves that? Begin working on your relationship with yourself and developing self-compassion towards yourself. You are deserving of genuine love and kindness.
Seek help when you need it
It can be challenging to begin the journey to breaking the cycle of self-blame on your own. Getting counseling may be frightening, yet it may be quite beneficial when attempting to heal from your trauma. An expert will offer you objective advice and will help you through the procedure. There are numerous tools available to help you acquire the assistance you require, and the result is well worth it.
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You are only human
You’re a human, and humans are prone to making mistakes! That is not to say that your mistakes deserve unpleasant things, self-blame, and traumatic experiences. Cut yourself some slack and shower yourself with affection. The road out of self-blame is not simple, but you have help if you need it.
Conclusion
If you are having difficulty engaging in self-forgiveness, be open and inquiring with yourself. “Why wouldn’t I want to forgive myself?” you might ask. If you say, “I don’t deserve it,” that’s your shame speaking. If you still believe you don’t deserve forgiveness, you may believe you must earn it.
What steps do you take to gain forgiveness? Be honest about what you believe you require forgiveness for. Be honest with yourself about what you believe you have done, as this may help you alter some negative ideas and become more compassionate and forgiving toward yourself.
